


Darcy Lewis and the Week-that-would-not-end

by Kathysinister



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, clint in air vents, polyvore outfits, some fic cliches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kathysinister/pseuds/Kathysinister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, Darcy thought, I guess it won't be said of me that I lack a superhero ability, unfortunately mine happens to be completely making a fool of myself in front of Captain America.</p>
<p>I guess you can call this AU because I'm ignoring the goings-on of CA:TWS. This is my first Avengers fic, please be kind! I'll try to update every other day or so!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prologue... of sorts.

It's roughly two weeks after the whole Middle-Earth-Elf World Takeover attempt in London that Jane gets a phone call from Tony Stark. Darcy is having a nice cuppa and though Jane really enjoys tea, Darcy feels like she's cheating on the love of her life, skinny vanilla lattes. It's a pretty normal day for them, two weeks ago not withstanding. Darcy has dragged Jane practically by her hair and forced her to eat a sandwich before returning back to the hellhole of a lab that is the Foster basement. 

When the phone rings the scientist is sitting in her mother's yellow formica kitchen, chewing on a half polished thumb nail during the entire conversation, eyes widening and narrowing while Darcy can hear a man's voice jabber on slightly. She's sitting there just responding with only one word replies to TONY MOTHERFUCKING STARK while Darcy just stares at her. Utter insanity. Tony Stark reachable by phone when SHIELD is still not returning their calls. Jane hangs up the phone in what has to be the strangest phone conversation Jane has ever experienced and takes a deep breath looking at her assistant.

Darcy gives her to grace period of about two seconds before she yells, "Well?! What did he say?"

"Apparently he wants to set me up with a lab and some funding in Stark Tower." she replied casually, as if billionaires called three times daily offering to throw thousands of dollars at her.

"Well, what did _you_ say?" Honestly this woman! Jane loved to torture Darcy and took her time sipping the remaining contents of her tea cup before answering.  


"I said yes, only after he said how much funding he was actually going to give up. New York's pretty far away but it seems like it's be a great opportunity. He even offered an apartment in the tower so we'll be close to work. I even have enough in the budget to give you a real paycheck."

This took about half a minute to fully sink in before Darcy stopped blinking stupidly at Jane and commencing what Jane always called 'pulling a Darcy.' In other words, her friend went about five minutes without taking a breath and babbling at an insane speed.

"Oh my god Jane! This is like seriously the best news EVER in the history of my life! I'm getting paid! The first thing I'm getting is a whole new wardrobe. I'm going to be a chic professional, without all those weird hooker connotations. I need new phone cases, and headphones, and shoes. Thor's beard!!! J, we're going to be living in Avengers _fucking_ tower-"  


"Stark Tower." Jane corrected.  


"Whatever, everyone knows all the Avengers live there, with the exception of your blonde deity of course. Black Widow is like my hair inspiration. I go outside with spiral curls and in ten minutes my waves are back and that broad could probably singlehandedly stop a nuclear bomb without even getting frizz. OMG! Oh my Thor! I have to somewhat attempt to get out all my fangirl screams and squeals before we even get on the plane. All I need in my life is to stutter uncontrollably in front of Captain Hum-a-na Hum-a-na-'Merica-"

"You should probably start by not calling him that anymore." Jane smirked, fully aware that she was most likely not even listening to her anymore.

"If I see hide or hair, although if I'd have to pick I'd definitely choose hide, of that gorge man-specimen I'll probably look like a freaking tomato and ask him to bear my children. Or try to flirt and spill something on him like one of those horrible rom-coms. JANE! We're going to New York! Two girls in the big apple, best friends making memories they'll always share while navigating life's ups and downs. It's like Sex and the City, with less sex and more science, although I wouldn't be completely opposed to the sex depending on the guy. It's been a while, a very long while and Ian has already started to annoy me and we've been making out for two weeks and I seriously don't see this going any further than second base, hot British accent or not-"

Jane stood abruptly and grapsed her friend's shoulders, shaking her only slightly. "DARCY! Stop. Breathe."

Quieted, if only for the moment, Darcy took the time to look at the small scientist. A small frown, tired eyes, hair looking limp in the fluorescent lighting as she crossed the room to return the cup to the tiny titantium sink. "J, what's up? Why the frown?"

"I just hope Thor comes back soon, I worry that he'll come here and we'll be gone and he'll just-"

"Don't say it Lady Jane, that hunk loves you, for a genius sometimes you really are dumb. He crossed a universe to check on you when he thought you were hurt in that crazy abandoned building didn't he? He doesn't seem like a bro who lies about a third date. Plus he knows where Stark Tower is already remember? It'll be way easier to find you if you're with his shield-bros. Give a little time, don't skip so many showers this time, and before you know it he'll be standing in front of you spouting out that Shakespeare jargon and melting your panties off."

Jane snorted, now smiling. Darcy took a seat at the small breakfast table stretching her legs out on Jane's now vacated seat. 

"And you _know_ I'm right dude. Darcy is always right. Us living in New York is going to be the best time of our lives. We have to see all the sights, the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge, the national treasure that is Captain America's ass. And we will cement our bonds as bffs forevermore."

Looking down at her hands in her lap, she awkwardly coughed, like she often did before showing emotion, and continued. "Seriously J, thanks for taking me with you. I know there's bunches of more qualified actual science geeks that would-"

"Hush." Jane said cutting her off with a wave of her hand. "You don't experience a fire-breathing robot and an evil elf bent on world domination with your intern and leave them."

Darcy just grinned, grabbing the hand of her friend and replied," Jane Elizabeth Foster you are the **Best. Friend. Ever.** "


	2. Sunday Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy meets Steve, Tony Stark wants brunch, Jane Foster is not a lesbian and Natasha stares.

“Jane Foster you are the worst friend ever.” Darcy huffed. 

Two days later and it’s “Goodbye England, Hello New York!” and though she was uber excited she had a funny feeling that her good mood wouldn’t last the week. Sure enough, it took only 8 trips from the double parked Uhaul in front of Stark Tower up the elevator and into either the new apartment or Jane’s new lab before her good mood had all but vanished in a wave of sweat and dented cardboard boxes. Jane, ever the ‘logical’ one, had insisted sitting in the uhaul truck and working some calculations for the Einstein-Rosen Bridge just in case they got a ticket or some nefarious New Yorker wanted to steal a beat-up old rental truck in broad daylight at 11 am in front of a building where an honest-to-Thor superhero lived.

“Bullshit.” Darcy spat, she hit 19 on the elevator for almost the 20th time that day, wondering how exactly she and Jane has acquired so much crap. Sure, Darcy had gone wardrobe shopping in London before leaving but that’s a given, no one goes to work in Stark Tower where the chicest of the chic Pepper Potts worked in their threadbare sweaters and ripped jeans from college.  


Rolling one shoulder while still gripping the tan box with what could only be filled with pieces of Stonehenge that Erik had saved, she sighed and made her way into the open door of their modern two bedroom apartment and dropped the box on the sofa, one of the few places not already stacked with boxes upon boxes. About ten more trips and they should be done, although there was no way Darcy could continue. She was **not** a workout girl. Her cardio was pretty much dancing around the lab when Jane couldn’t be pulled away to soothe her boredom. 

Taking a break to get a huge glass of ice water she saw a tall dark-haired man with a suit and earpiece come in, scan the room and mutter an all-clear before being pushed to the side by none other than Tony Stark in what appeared to be slippers, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, sweatpants and a Hugh Hefner style smoking jacket. He was carrying a cup of coffee so big Darcy’s eyes widened in jealousy.

“Seriously Happy, this is my building you can chill out on the security detail a little bit. Hey, you-“ Stark’s eyes now on Darcy and the boxes littered around the apartment. “-you know there’s people around here to help you with moving. I would have helped if I would have known you’re doing this alone but I don’t do heavy lifting. Happy, give Dr. Foster a hand with the rest of her stuff. Tony Stark, pleasure’s all yours.” He stuck out the hand politely, and she took it gratefully. 

“Thanks so much for the help I was seriously dying over here. There’s a truck out front with everything.” Darcy explained to the man in the suit, “Are you sure you’re fine getting all yourself or-”

“Don’t worry ma’am I’ll get security on it, it’s not safe to keep a truck in front the building for so long.” And with that the suit took off mumbling into his earpiece orders to what Darcy only assumed was more suits. She turned back to Tony Stark who was both peeking into some of the boxes and giving her an observant scan. He took a second to take in her oversized burgundy sweater and black grumpy cat leggings while she thanked him.

“Thanks Mr. Stark, seriously, I love you forever. If I had to carry one more box I’d die and probably end up being mauled beyond recognition under the wheels of one of your robots.” 

“I hate to see what Thor would say to his Doctor-lady admitting her undying love for me. Although I can certainly see why you feel that way, I am pretty great. The greatest some would say.” He said, dusting off imaginary lint off the lapel of his jacket.

“I’m not Dr. Foster, I’m Darcy Lewis, her assistant and roommate. And some other stuff that doesn't go in my resume.” She retorted. 

“So Thor’s girlfriend likes a carpet diet huh? I wonder if he knows. Or do you share? Inquiring minds want to know. Either way-“

Darcy rolled her eyes. “We’re not lesbians, we heterosexual lifemates. You know, BFFS? Or is that too new a term for someone who finished high school in the 80’s? ”

“You’re feisty Lewis. I like it. Anyway, my whole point in trekking all the way down here was to invite Dr. Foster to brunch five floors up. You should come too. The food should be here in an about thirty. Gives both of you a chance to meet the gang.”

At this Darcy’s eyes widened. _The gang? The gang like they’re the freaking cast from FRIENDS or something?! Black Widow, the Hulk, Captain - OMG don’t think about it Darcy, don’t react Stark will probably tease you mercilessly. Say something._

“Um… ok I’ll go uh get Jane. We’ll be up there in a bit.” She scooted out of that room faster than you could ‘hammertime’ and practically ran from the elevator to the Uhaul where Jane was STILL sitting doing calculations, completely oblivious to the four men in suit unpacking the boxes in the back of the truck. 

“J, I just met Tony Stark, he wants us to come to brunch with what he says is the ‘gang’ and he thinks we’re scissor sisters instead of science sisters.“

Finally looking up from her laptop, Jane blinked at Darcy. “Brunch?”  


.....................................................................................................................................................................

The elevator ride was short but it seemed like it took about a million years, each passing second the knot of tension growing in her stomach starting to feel more and more like an octopus wringing her organs with all 8 tentacles. Jane just grinned, obviously not used to seeing her assistant never be more than completely sure of herself.

“Calm down Darcy, Captain America probably won’t even be there. Your unrequited crush is safe from embarrassment.”

Sure enough, as soon as the door dinged and slid opening there was ol’ Stars and Stripes himself, looking absolutely drool-worthy. Around his shoulders was the arm of none other than the genius billionaire, laughing at a joke that the captain obviously didn't find too funny considering the annoyed grimace he was wearing. Darcy took a second to survey him from the distance; tight khakis, a white undershirt that had to be a sin to wear in front of sexually weak-willed women such as herself and worn brown loafers. 

_God, if only I could eat him for brunch._ Brutally shaken from her thoughts as Jane elbowed her to follow her out the elevator they approached the two and Tony finally noticed their arrival.

“Gang this is Thor’s girlfriend Dr. Jane Foster and her sidekick Lewis. They’re gonna be working here from now on to help bring back Thunderstruck and generally make me even richer using her huge brain.” He explained to the group she now saw sitting at a large table laden with French toast, bacon, pancakes, waffles and what had to be every other breakfast food known to man. 

Sitting at the table facing them was a scruffy looking older man in a white lab coat rubbing the bridge between his eyes, a pair of glasses in the other hand, who could only be the infamous Dr. Bruce Banner. To his side was a beautiful redhead, mid-length hair curled perfectly wearing a black catsuit at freaking 11 am who was currently clutching a knife over her stack of pancakes, her eyes were narrowed slightly, casing the two women entering the room. To her side was a man in his early thirties, short sandy brown hair and a sharp gaze, wearing dark jeans and a nondescript t-shirt.

“Foster, Lewis, this is Big Green, Russian Spy Barbie and Legolas.” He said pointing at each one before turning back to the soldier he stood shoulder to shoulder with. “And this is Captain Cold. Who surprisingly both gets and doesn’t find my ice, ice baby jokes as hilarious as I do.” 

“Enough Stark.” The Captain cut in. “Steve Rogers. This is Dr. Banner, Natasha Romanov and Clint Barton. It’s nice to meet both you ladies.” Steve gave them a small nod and took a seat across from Barton and began filling his plate. Stark took the seat at the head of the table that was on Bruce’s free side. Jane nudged Darcy to get moving and immediately took the seat close to Tony and across from Bruce starting a science conversation almost immediately, thereby leaving Darcy the seat between her and Captain America, right across from Black Widow who still had yet to eat, content to observe Darcy’s choked cough and sluggish movements toward to the table.

 _Okay breathe Darce, you can have breakfast sitting next to your crush, it’ll be just like the high school cafeteria. Rules are nothing with crumbs, nothing with garlic and nothing that can spill on your shirt or get stuck in your teeth._ Taking her seat slowly, in case any sudden movements set off the Black Widow and caused her to murder Darcy with the butter knife or something, she filled her plate with eggs and toast. 

“Um, hi.” She tentatively mumbled to Natasha who began eating slowly.

“Good morning. So, Lewis is it? Sidekick?” was her reply before gracefully entering a piece of syrup drizzled pancake in her mouth, her eyes never leaving Darcy’s face.

“Well, I’m her lab assistant. And general caretaker. Science doesn’t leave much room for normal human habits like eating, sleeping, hygiene, exercise and social interaction.” She explained.  


“Not to mention bodyguard duties,” Jane spat, her mouth full of half chewed waffle. “-you knocked out Thor when we first met him.”

“That’s quite a feat Miss Lewis.” The Captain to her right interjected, a cup of coffee inches from his full, lush lips.

“It’s Darcy actually, Darcy Lewis.” She chimed in reaching for a glass of orange juice with a smile trying to look anywhere but that perfect face only about two feet from her own.

_CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST TALKED TO ME. CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST TALKED TO ME. DON’T BLUSH DON’T BLUSH. Play it cool Lewis, you’re awesome._

“He wasn't the almighty Thor when we first met and I was pretty sure he was just a rowdy drunk about to make Jane and myself people you hear about on the news so I tased him.” At this Tony Stark joined the conversation.

“Ha! Prince of the Gods foiled by his own element. How poetic.” He popped a piece of bacon into his mouth with a smile as Darcy did the same, mirroring his grin. 

Darcy could feel someone’s eyes on her and scanned the table, her gaze stopping on Rogers who had been –wait was he _checking her out_ His gaze quickly returned to his plate in front of him and he went back to work devouring the mountain of food in front of him. Darcy let out an awkward cough, feeling her cheeks flush slightly, and gulped down the rest of her orange juice. A bad habit of hers had always been drinking way to much at meal she felt slightly nervous in, just to keep her mouth busy doing something other than randomly blurting out facts about cats or something. She looked to Jane for a little help in the conversation area but her friend was only talking in eight syllable science terms with Dr. Banner which sounded like a language they made up on their own. She brought her eyes up to Natasha again whose gaze had never left Darcy’s face but now held a small knowing smile that seemed to Darcy to be utterly evil and completely bad news.

The rest of the short meal was filled with Tony Stark’s sarcastic banter with Barton who held his own and was actually playful and dryly humorous, Darcy laughing at their antics periodically before claiming her and Jane had a lot of unpacking to do back in their apartment. Jane followed her lead in leaving the table but not before promising to finish her ‘SCIENCE!’ conversation with Dr. Banner in the lab the following morning. 

Needless to say, Darcy finished the entire jug of orange juice during brunch and peed every half hour until dinner time, noticing in the bathroom that she had indeed spilled orange juice on her sweater. 

_God I am SUCH an idiot. Good going klutzo, Captain America now knows you have a problem drinking from a cup like a normal human being. No wonder he was looking at me._ she thought with an embarrassed huff. _Tomorrow’s gonna be good though. New lab, new work outfit to wear and no Captain America to be a noob in front of. You’ll see Darce. Fun times to be had all around!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To see Darcy's Sunday outfit go here. 
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/darcy_lewis_chill_sunday/set?id=124965662
> 
> I'm so addicted to Polyvore it's ridiculous. I have some other outfits on there I'm going to incorporate into this fic.


	3. Monday Dance Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy can boogie it with the best of them.

Darcy gazed into the mirror, slightly adjusting her cute little hair bow. Smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles of her white jacket and full skirt of the dress underneath it she cheesed a flashy grin. 

She had to admit the outfit she’d picked out for working her first day in Stark tower officially was a little dressier than her normal leggings and sweater combo but she figured a fashion pick-me-up would help her forget about her lack of ability to feed herself without making her boob-shelf a catcher of all the things that dribbled from her huge mouth. Today that mouth was graced with a lighter pink color than her normal burgundy lipstick and it made her complexion appear fresher, not the pale pastiness of everyday.

When Darcy stepped into the lab she had her new coffee mug in hand and filled to brim with steaming hot ambrosia that was the output of the probably outrageously expensive Stark coffee maker in the shared lab lounge and cafeteria. Bets on whether or not the coffeemaker could actually shoot lasers and slice and dice were prevalent among the janitors and other assistants Darcy had met while trying to get her morning joe. 

Jane was already sitting at a table with Dr. Banner going over some of the radiation readouts from the times of Thor’s arrival, hoping to maybe pick out a means of knowing the next time he’d pop back on Earth. Saying hello to Dr. Banner briefly and setting a bagel already smothered with cream cheese in front of Jane, Darcy headed over to her small metal desk to begin to organize the equipment readouts for the past three days. 

“You look nice today. What’s going on?” Jane commented while handing her some of the previous day’s work to file into their records. Darcy shot her a look and removed her jacket, placing it on the back of her ergonomic chair that she already knew she was going to love compared to her old stool in England.

“Not everyone has a flannel shirt for everyday of the week Jane.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hours later and Dr. Banner and Jane were still at. Darcy had managed a ten minute break for both of them in which she forced to two brains to gobble down a sandwich and bottle of water before returning to their back and forth of science terms that were causing a headache to slowly grind into Darcy’s forehead from sheer boredom.

“Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane.” Darcy whined.

“Darcy. I need to focus.” Was the reply.

“And I need you to be done with those calculations like an hour ago. I’ve refiled everything into the new Stark system and now I’m bored.” She needled.

Bruce gave a little chuckle, never looking up from his microscope.

“You know what we need?” 

“A new lab assistant?” Jane joked. Darcy narrowed her eyes. 

“Ha. Ha. NO. We need a three minute dance party.” Looking up from her paperwork, Jane smiled conspiratorially. 

“Three minutes and you won’t bother me again til 7 pm.”

“5 pm.”

“6 pm?”

“5:30, you have to eat dinner Jane.”

“Done.”

Squealing and turning on one heel, Darcy put on an upbeat indie song with electronic beats and a good bass line on her Stark computer. Jane stood bobbing her head, waving her arms in the air above her as Darcy hopped over towards the petite scientist while doing the running man. 

After only ten seconds the music stopped suddenly and Tony Stark stepped in to the workspace exclaiming, “You guys had a science dance-off and didn’t invite _me_?! I’m offended. And jealous, Jane has the good assistant and Pepper never lets me have dancers in the lab.”

“Probably because they’re the kind that’s gets paid in ones in their unmentionables.” Darcy kidded.

“Well, yes, that’s true. But never let it be said Tony Stark doesn’t give graciously to further the college educations of American women. Anyway, Jarvis! Crank a beat on the main speaker!”

The song had changed, new and dancey giving way to old and funky as Rick James’s voice blasted over the loudspeakers. 

Darcy cackled and resumed her dance party, shouting a comment about oldies loved by an oldie.

“Tony, this is ridiculous.” Bruce interjected loudly over the sounds of ‘Give It Me Baby’.

“C’mon Brucey, don’t be a spoilsport.” He responded, grabbing his friend by the sleeve of his white lab coat and forcing him to join in the revelry.

Darcy closed her eyes and shook her hips, cackling as she swung them slightly back forth while stepping back from Tony who was taking up more and more space In the center of the lab to do the robot. By now even Banner had chuckled softly, doing the sprinkler fairly stiffly but with a large grin on his face that pretty much everyone in the room thought they should see more often. A carefree, fun Bruce was needed around the tower a little more. Jane of course was a horrible dancer and was doing her best Elaine from Seinfeld dance impression, wacky finger pointing, leg twitch and all. 

Darcy continued to shimmy backward until she felt her ass bump into to something hard, followed by a large set of hands gripping her hips. She stilled instantly, shoulders tensing at the stranger encroaching into her personal space.

Craning her neck behind her she saw none other than Steve Rogers, a laugh barely being restrained on his face and a slight pink tinge to his cheeks. “Hi there.”

Darcy could feel her stomach drop all 23 floors of the building. Shaking knees from humiliation still managed to take a step back from him, how she had no idea, and Darcy stuttered, “Uh Ca-Captain Rogers.”

He let out the laugh he’d been holding and answered, “Any girl that dances with me can call me Steve, Miss Lewis.”

Darcy gaped like a fish and let out a, “Herm, uh. Ha.” before coughing awkwardly into her left hand.

The music suddenly cut off and Tony greeted the super soldier. “Have you finally brought that shield up for me to buff out finally? You’re interrupting our booty-shaking though Capsicle.” 

“The shield is in your lab Stark. Jarvis told me you were down here getting into trouble so I thought I’d make sure nothing had caught on fire or exploded yet.”

“I’ll have you know the slacking off was all Lewis’s idea. Millennials, it’d probably kill them to actually complete a full day’s work without tumblr, cat videos or general time-wasting.” Tony continued.

Before responding Steve looked back down at Darcy only a few feet away from him. “Ah so you’re the bad apple then Miss Lewis.”

“It’s Darcy. Steve.” She managed to choke out. 

“Darcy.” He cooed back, a slight upward turn to the corner of his mouth as he took in her garb and pink-dusted cheeks.

_You are on a first name basis with Captain America. Who touched you. In a non G rated place. Walk away now before you say something stupid. Don’t look at his crotch in the khakis. Don’t look at his crotch in the khakis. Don’t look at his crotch in those khakis. Oh God I looked. Did he notice? Please dear sweet baby Jesus don’t let him have noticed, I know I’m Jewish but you were too so cut me some slack._

“Follow me Cap. Let’s get your dinner plate looking good as new. Lewis, it’s been real, anytime you want to assist in my lab you’re welcome. Consider yourself special.” Tony and Captain exited the lab quickly and Darcy let out a long breath she didn’t know she’d been holding during the short exchange.

“I’m getting back to work now.” Jane clarified while she a Bruce went back to their respective seats. Darcy, feeling a little green, sat down at her desk and slammed her forehead on it.

_I just grinded on a national hero. And he laughed at me. Jesus his hands were so big. And warm. And I think I’m going to drown myself in the bathtub tonight. And most likely fap to those hands in even racier places. It’d have to be un-American not to. . . I am such a loser._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see Darcy's Monday Work Outfit here on Polyvore.
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/cute_monday_work_outfit/set?id=124970474
> 
> You can see Jane's outfit here.
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/jane_foster_look/set?id=125564266
> 
> I pictured Darcy originally dancing to "Midnight City" by M83.


	4. Tuesday Bang-Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guns, blackmail, and NWA.

By Tuesday Darcy had given up. Screw trying to be some classy, hipster version of Pepper Potts. She was just a dweeb at heart, and that heart was buried beneath her huge rack, so she dressed in her comfortable everyday knit clothes and dark colors for day two in Stark labs with Jane. Today would be Banner free and Darcy already had saved some time wasting YouTube videos to her tumblr to check out once Janey was in the “science!” zone. Pulling the loose gray beanie down further over her head, crossing one leather boot covered leg over the other, she picked up her phone to scan yelp for a takeout place for lunch when her phone began to ring. A photo of Tony Stark posing with his fingers in a peace sign popped on the screen, shocked Darcy answered it.

"Stark is this really you? How did you get this number?"

"It's in your SHIELD file that someone left open in one of the computers in the common area. I snooped lightly. Sue me. You need to upgrade to Stark phone anyway, I feel like I'm in the 90's again when it's just audio."

Rolling her eyes and glancing at Jane who had yet to even notice she was on the phone Darcy continued, "Is my antiquated apple technology the only reason you're calling or. . ."

"Nope! I need a conspirator, a partner in crime, someone who can keep their mouth shut."

"I'm not going onto a college campus to buy pot for you Tony."

,

"Not even my intention! Though that is a brilliant idea! You're just out of college and unknown. Very inconspicuous. I will keep this knowledge and use it at a later date."

"You can buy your own pot. I'm not getting arrested for you. And aren't you rich and famous? Don't you know rappers?!"

"Lewis we're getting off track. I need you in my lab for strictly scientific experimenting. I assume all of your other experimenting has already been done with Foster pre-Norse quarterback. Come three floors up. Tell no one." The phone call ended and Darcy pursed her lips definitely not liking where this was going. Something was going to explode. The least of which was probably gonna be her temper if Tony was just wasting her time, she liked him but no one got in the way of her funny YouTube time.

"Jane I'm going to Stark's lab to help him with something. If I don't come back or end up horribly disfigured make sure he pays off my student loans."

Darcy walked out once she heard a grunt from Jane, leaving her black blazer on the chair behind her and took the short ride up the elevator thinking of all the million and one horrendous or potentially fatal things Tony could be working on in his lab.

Her resting bitch face, tight sapphire button up and no nonsense attitude on she slipped into the lab and saw it was miraculously devoid of terminator robots or alien tentacles.

Tony ushered her in and over to a table completely laden with guns of every shape and size.

_Oh dear, this is so much worse than I imagined._

"Didn't S.I. stop making weapons a few years ago?" she questioned.

"I didn't make these. I bought them to test out this new polymer I invented. I coated Cap's shield in it and need to make sure it's ding and scratch resistant. Thus the purchasing of the guns." 

Craning her neck she saw Captain America’s shield hung on a wall in the farthest corner of the room. A symbol of days gone by, heroism and bravery glinting at her in the harsh fluorescents. 

"You're joking right?! You're not asking what I think you're asking."

"Robot wall arm holds the shield you and I shoot it. Simple Lewis."

"And why in Thor’s name did you pick me for this insult to the American way!?"

"Because you're the most fun and easy to lead astray due to your age, not to mention you work for me technically and you know better than to rat me out to old red white and blue we're messing with his precious. Pick a glock kid. And put these on. Safety first that's my motto." He shoved a thick black vest which she assumed (and prayed) was bulletproof and then slammed a thick helmet on her head that had a thick plane of plastic covering the face area so she could see. 

"I thought your motto was Y.O.L.O." 

Aghast at her comment he grimaced and countered, “Well now I definitely want to shoot something. Make sure you stand behind this table so you don’t have to worry about ricochets hitting your legs.”

“This is sounding less and less like something we should do and more and more like something that’s going to get us killed or severely injured.” She interjected.

“Just stand back here with me Lewis, trust me you’re protected, the last thing I need is Pepper on my ass about another employee lawsuit.”

Eyeing the guns, touching one or two with slight brushes of her hand here and there she quipped back to him, “Aren’t all your lawsuits from sexual harassment not workman’s comp?”

“Oh someone’s got jokes today huh?” She grasped one of the smaller guns from the collection in front of her, testing the weight of the cold, black firearm in one hand. Pointing it toward the shield, then briefly lowering it once she felt a sick feeling between her lungs. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t like she was shooting Steve himself, but to aim a deadly weapon at something so personal to him?

Side-eyeing her hesitation Tony continued. “Come on Lewis, you’ve never shot your gun in the air and gone ‘Ah!’ ?”

“No I have never shot my gun in the air and gone ‘Ah!’ Tony! And yes before you even ask I have seen Bad Boys 2.”

“Maybe you just need some mood music.” He suggested.

“What could possibly get me in the mood to shoot a _gun_ at Captain America’s shield?!”

Tony called out to Jarvis to play a particular playlist and when the first song started Darcy quickly lowered her weapon again to hold her side from laughing. ‘Straight Outta Compton’ was playing a medium level from a speaker behind them and seriously Darcy didn’t think she’d ever done anything so completely ridiculous in her entire life.

“C’mon Lewis, let’s give the finger to rich white America!”

“You _are_ rich white America!”

“Then stop being such a pansy and put some fucking bullet holes in my wall!” 

Tony fired off two shots in quick succession and let out a ‘whoop!’. Raising the pistol with both hands this time she shut her eyes tightly, squeezed the trigger and fired. The gun recoiled slightly and the bullet made a ding sound as it hit the star in the center of the circular pattern on the shield.

“Hey this is actually kind of fun!” She fired again while Tony let off his rounds beside her in sets of three. 

“I feel pretty powerful using this thing, Not as much as the suit but I can see why Romanov loves hers so much. Hey Cap! Say hello to my lil’ friend!” 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Shaking with breathless laughter she continued to fire intermittently as he proceeded to quote Taxi Driver, Clint Eastwood, and pretty much every famous movie gun scene made before 2000.

Cackling maniacally as Tony threw his now empty gun on the table Darcy lifted hers with one hand, feeling surer of herself and the weapon now. Turning the gun sideways she dropped her voice a few octaves before belting out, “BREAK YO’SELF FOOL!” and unloading the rest of her clip towards the shield. She hit her mark only once more but littered the wall behind it with even more bullet holes.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE STARK?!!!” 

Dropping her gun on the table with a clang, Darcy gaped at the man in the open door way. Fists clenched and jaw tight, Steve made an incredibly intimidating figure as he growled at Tony, crossing the room over to them looking pissed off and bright red. 

“Uh oh Dad’s home. Rogers! You’re here early! We’re just testing out the new shield covering.” Tony speedily retreated away from him to remove the shield from the wall, straining an arm somewhat and he headed back over towards the both of them. He handed the shield back to Captain Rogers, and then sidestepped out of his arm span, hiding behind Darcy, which she noticed and did **not** appreciate.

Steve inspected his weapon tenderly, noting that the onslaught of shells had done nothing to it. The colors painted on still looked perfect and cooling down slightly he turned to face Darcy who has since removed the bulletproof vest and head cover and was now flushing guilty, expecting to be the next target of his rage.

“You can’t shoot a gun in a building this populated it’s dangerous! What if someone would have gotten hurt?” he chastised them.

Turning her gaze to the floor Darcy felt like complete **shit**. Damn her for giving into to peer pressure. Though what person could say they shot at Captain America’s shield and lived to tell the tale?

“Darcy I’m starting to think you’re a hangnail away from going to bad apple to evil mastermind.”

Jerking her head up she responded, “I swear Steve this was **all** Tony-“

“HEY!”

“-and I really didn’t mean to disrespect the shield or put anyone in danger.” Humiliated beyond all reason she just stared at a spot on the wall behind him for a minute before he spoke again.

“It’s alright. Not the first time it’s been shot at by a pretty dame.” Was the smooth reply.

You could hear Tony’s jaw drop, his eyes went huge and blatantly stared at Darcy, who was pretty sure she had just soaked through her underwear at the comment and Steve’s crooked smirk. He continued, “Though I am pretty sure you’re the one that’s done it so uh, enthusiastically?”

Darcy let out a braying 'haha' and shot a glance at Tony whose face had transformed into something sinister that she really didn’t like the look of. He was up to something. Something dark and she was dreading it already. Perhaps though, he just didn’t want to take the Captain’s good attitude for granted.

“Well thanks for stopping by you two kids but I am very busy and important and need to get back to work.” Stark started giving them both the bum’s rush, practically shooing them both of his lab while sending a short text message on his cell phone.

“Right. I should uh, be getting back to Jane.” Dazed, Darcy began to walk off when she heard, “Let me come with you.” on her left side, the tall blonde falling into step beside her easily.

“I can’t leave you to wander the halls willy-nilly, you might end up recruiting minions to serve your nefarious whims.” He joked.

Giggling softly and looking into those expressive, genuine eyes Darcy felt a pull in her stomach she knew had nothing to do with the gravity shift in the moving elevator they occupied. If he wanted to spend a few more minutes in her company she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. She was beginning to find the playful cheeriness in his eyes and the upturned corner of his mouth as he smiled way more sexy than his flexing ass in the New York invasion youtube videos, and _that_ was saying something.

Holy shit! She was starting to like Steve! Like really, really like him, not just as an untouchable fangirl crush and masturbation fantasy when she had trouble falling asleep. But in an honest to god, incredibly inconvenient, ‘I actually want to have dinner with you before we bang hot-nasty’ kind of way. 

“I’m really not as bad as you think,” she managed finally. “It’s all Tony, I’m just very impressionable. Lots of out there personalities beating down on me here.”

“So I guess you’ll have to start spending your time with better influences if you want to stay out of trouble then.”

“Got any ideas in mind?” she blurted saucily.

_Gooooooo Darcy! Flirting like a pro. Do not show weakness, you are a strong capable, attractive woman. You hooked up with two guys, one girl and professor at Culver that were out of your league, you can do this. You can flirt back with him!_

“Actually I just might.” He stopped in front of the door to Jane’s lab, tipped his head to her and called out a ‘see you later’, the pleased smirk never leaving his face during the entire exchange. 

Darcy bit the nail of her thumb between her teeth, staring at his retreating back with a coy look on her face.

Overhead she heard a voice say, “How sweet. Looks like someone has a crush.”

Startled and face losing its flush in milliseconds she whispered looking up at the ceiling, “God?”

The air vent above her head clanged open clumsily, a wrinkled Barton emerging in front of her, his thick ebony boots hitting the ground with a thud as he landed. He was without his Russian counterpart, a realization that made her unwind slightly. Natasha was the coolest but every time she stared at Darcy she felt something akin to the calculating gaze her mother once shot her at the breakfast table the morning after she’d lost her virginity.

“Do all spies creepily eavesdrop on the coworkers?” She crossed her arms in front of her.

“Don’t change the subject Lewis. Someone’s got a crush. Someone’s got a crush.” He sang mockingly, waving one finger in the air in front of her face. 

Smacking his hand away she bit out a noise of protestation and exclaimed, “Shut up! I do not! It’s so none of your business. Do not say **anything** to Steve or I swear I will find a way to end you.”

Her shoulder were shaking now, whether from anger or embarrassment at discovery she didn’t know. She just ground her teeth at the absurdity of the elementary school maturity level of the situation. The last thing she needed was Barton blabbing his mouth about her being just another fan girl and causing Steve to avoid her like the plague when they were just becoming friends.

Clint let out a low whistle, his countenance changing from pleased to ecstatic at her declaration.

“Actually Lewis I was joking about the Captain having a crush on _you_. I don’t think I’ve seen him carry on a conversation that long with any woman while being in that good a mood except for maybe ‘Tash.”

“Huh?” Now she was confused. No way was Steve even remotely interested in her that way, he was just being nice and friendly. He could have any girl he wanted. His ‘aw shucks’ grin could probably drop a pair of panties at 10 yards, not to mention his body was something to worshipped on hands and knees. Eyes glazing slightly at the thought of herself kneeled in front of him, his abs twitching in response to her hot breath and fingernails slowly dragging down his ribs. He’d look down at her, cheeks flushed, breathing slightly unsteady-

“Earth to Lewis!” Clint snapped his fingers in front of her face. Remembering herself she continued, “Clint, I think you’re crazy, and if you tell anyone what I said a minute ago I’m gonna tell Thor you were spying on me in my bedroom.”

His stupidly self-amused smile did not recede and he merely stated, “Tash won’t believe it and I don’t think Steve will either. Tash is the only girl whose bedroom I’d like to be in since I first had her in the crosshairs of my sniper rifle in Moscow.”

Tilting her head Darcy cooed back,” Wow, that’d be kind of sweet if it wasn’t so terrifying.”

“Thanks. Here’s my blackmail price. One dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies and a three layer chocolate and raspberry cake. And two gallons of milk. Not the fat free stuff either. All to be left in the fridge in the main kitchen upstairs this week. Thank you and goodbye.”

He leapt back up into the air vent once more not bothering to pop his head back out when she asked in response, “How do I know you won’t ask for more blackmail later?”

“You don’t.” reverberated through the air shaft above her. Cursing she stomped back into Jane’s lab, definitely sure of who her least favorite avenger was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gun safety is very important kids, don't try shooting at Captain America's shield at home. I feel like this fic is getting sillier and sillier but oh well! Here's a longer chapter to hold you over the next day or two. More Steve and Darcy interaction coming I swear!
> 
> To see Darcy's Tuesday outfit on polyvore go here:
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/darcy_lewis_tuesday_blue_day/set?id=124982114
> 
> Thanks for reading! Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome!


	5. Wednesday Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor comes back, Darcy sleeps, and gets a visitor.

Early Wednesday morning, and by early I mean Holy-shit-this-is-the-time-of-walks-of-shame and don’t-they-have-clocks-with-time-zone-changes-on-Asgard-early, Thor lands on the roof of Avengers Tower. His hammer in one hand and wearing his full-on princely duds, his journey left ancient Norse scorch marks burned permanently onto the roof-

(later Tony would say, “Point Break you really couldn’t have landed somewhere else? Anywhere else really? You’ve ruined the sweeping aesthetics of my newly remodeled rooftop terrace!”

“I apologize Sir Stark, I was merely eager to reunite with my lady love.”)

-Thor didn’t even have the decency to look somewhat bleary-eyed. Standing on a windy roof in her Culver sweatshirt and short-shorts, last night’s makeup smeared under her eyes and her hair in a messy braid Darcy wanted to be happy for Jane. And truly she was while witnessing their reunion as Jane kissed Thor after their one week apart. However, Jane running into her room about five minutes before screaming and holding some whirring handheld device she and Banner had cooked up earlier in the week to help signal Thor’s return at **5:00 in the fucking morning** had put a serious damper on her day’s mood. Mumbling a welcome back to Thor as he held Jane’s face like they were in the fucking Notebook or something. Retreating back to the inside of the tower it was not until she heard Jane say, “I won’t be in the lab today Darce.” That the intern felt her mood improve considerably.

Darcy went straight back to bed, collapsing face first into her pole of pillows, pleasantly purring as she scuttled under the blankets. Deciding to spend the rest of the day in bed and sleeping until at least noon and only emerging to grab her computer to watch Netflix and answer the door for the food delivery guy. She shut her eyes, drifting off back into the dark void of restful unconsciousness.

……………………………………………………………………………

There he was, Captain Steven G. Rogers in all his glory, shirtless and in pants so tight he looked like he had been melted down and poured into them. One of his hands was clutching the door handle to the massive chrome fridge and the other was holding a half gallon jug to his lips as he took large gulps of milk. His eyes shut, lashes resting on his cheeks and Adam’s apple bouncing with every swallow. Darcy was staring at said Adam’s apple, mouth slightly open while she watched a small droplet of milk fall onto his chest and make a slow trail down the hard ridges of abs. 

Darcy didn't know whether she was jealous of the milk jug or the milk droplet.

She had only come into the communal kitchen for a snack and bottled water and honestly hadn’t expected to watch a PG-13 rated male peepshow. Once she had laid eyes on the sight before her there was no way in hell she was running back to her room. So there she was, still as a statue in the entranceway, twisting the bottom of her sweatshirt in one hand from sexual frustration.

Steve recapped the milk jug and returned it to its home. Glancing around nervously, a little out of character for him since he was always so sure of himself, his eyes ranged across the huge room before settling on her form. His face changed into a sheepish grin.

“I guess you caught me Darcy.” He whispered. 

Gaining confidence at the silk of his admission she walked over to him, biting her lip. Hopping onto the counter opposite him and shaking her hair out of its thick braid, her legs dangling daintily above the ground. 

“Well Captain, it looks like you've been naughty, for shame, drinking straight out of the carton. I’m gonna have to report you to your CO for reprimanding.”

Something showed in his eyes, a certain willingness to play along that showed when he began to get closer to her, encroaching in her personal space. He had never been this close to her. Even when he had grabbed her hips in the lab he ‘left a little room for Jesus’ as her grandmother would say. Now he had gone from 8th grade homecoming to Dirty Dancing in no time. His hips we between her spread legs. She was still wearing her Culver sweatshirt and shorts, the latter of which was the only thing separating the cold marble of the countertop and the flesh of her bottom.

“But General Lewis ma’am, you’re a superior officer. Couldn't you just handle my . . . punishment?” he breathed, eyes piercing into her face and searching for a sign that’d she’d be the one to give up their little game first. Observing for the reaction to show this flirtation had gone too far, had become too much for her.

He licked his full bottom lip and Darcy told herself, _I’m gonna play this to the fucking 9th inning if you’re seriously going to let me put hands on you._

She reached up her hands, setting them on the tops of his shoulders before replying, “Alright soldier, but I warn you. This is going to be _torture_.” accentuating the last word by dragging her nails down the front of his chest slowly but firmly while waiting to see his reaction.

His breathing was noticeably heavier but it wasn’t until she dragged her hands back up his thorax while making sure to scratch his nipples that he pounced. He gripped the backs of her knees and jerked her lower half nearer to him on the counter. Skimming his hands up her legs, he leaned his face in towards hers, both of their faces tilting in opposite directions in anticipation.

“Too much for you Captain?” she asked, her lips mere millimeters away from his.

“I could never get enough Darcy.” He growled back before covering her mouth with his.

He was almost bruising it was so demanding, like she’d been flirting and teasing him for days rather than just a few moments. She bit his lip and pulled down, trying to give back as much passion as he was.

As their mouths parted, his tongue touched hers only briefly before she felt a shiver crawl up her spine. The hard marble under her feeling ice cold now compared to the heat emanating from him. 

He had to be at least five degrees hotter than her and in an effort to take some of his warmth she wrapped her arms around his neck and scratched the base of his hairline. This caused him to groan into her mouth, hips jerking up while she leaned her chest nearer his until they were flattened together.

Steve’s hands trekked up to the top of her hips where the bottom of the sweatshirt sat. His kiss started turning gentler while his fingertips inched their way slowly up and underneath her top.  
Digits dancing on her now goose-bumped flesh and tickling the base of her ribs.

Giggling and jumping, she broke the kiss and her head lightly tapped the cupboard behind her with a few small knocks. Darcy set her mouth in a revengeful line and went to work on the thick column of his neck. She pressed open mouthed kisses on the tense flesh while letting her nails make trails down his back.

But wait, there was that knocking sound again. This time it was a little louder and more persistant. But she hadn’t hit her head against the cupboard again right? Confused, she pulled back from him.

There was a question in her eyes but before she spoke he took one of her hands in his and kissed the knuckles of it.

“It’s not time yet Darcy. People to save.”

She pouted and looked down at their entwined hands feeling childlike and petulant. “What if I don’t want you to save them?”

“Then you’d be having this about someone else.”

“True. I just want to be here.”

“I’ll see you Sunday. Sundays are our days.” He breathed serenely as light flooded the room.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!

 

Blinking her eyes open Darcy rolled over on her queen sized mattress. 

_God damn it! Who the fuck is knocking?! That was like the best dream ever!!!_

Peeking at the clock on her phone that read 11:30 am she stomped over to the door of her bedroom in the shared apartment, the person on the other side knocking steadily.

“Jesus Christ, if Tony Stark is on the other side of this door I’m going to tie you down and rip out your facial hair with my tweezers!”

Yanking the door open she saw not the resident billionaire but the female assassin raising one eyebrow. 

“Creative. Hello Lewis.”

“Um, hi.” Stepping back to let her enter Darcy regretted sleeping in so late, if only to look a third as polished at the Black Widow did now. Thick black pants of some form fitting material was paired with a blood red blouse and cream leather jacket that looked soft to the touch. 

“So uh, what can I do you for?” _I am so glad I cleaned up in here last night_ she thought to herself as Natasha took the time to survey her surrounding before answering. 

Natasha’s eyes took in Darcy’s room wall by wall, it was off-shot enough from Jane’s room that not much could be heard from one to the other which Darcy was incredibly glad for now that Thor was back. It was mostly moved into, one corner still crammed with a few small cardboard boxes. The modern furniture Stark had outfitted every apartment with were in the wide variety of white, black or chrome. 

Natasha’s own furnishings were similar, her apartment absent of color except for the occasional bouquet of flowers left by Clint when she was out. Darcy’s room was not even close to resembling hers. Colorful scarves were draped over lamps, a huge knitted throw depicting sunflowers thrown over the plain armchair. The chrome desk and storage shelves were completely covered in books and dvds, and the Stark laptop resting on it already was covered in stickers of cats and bands. A framed photo of Darcy, Thor and Jane were hung on one wall along with pictures of other people, whom Natasha had read in her SHIELD file was her immediate family. The bed, the object furthest away from the door, was covered in deep blue sheet set with a thick, handmaid quilt of varying shades of blues and greens covering it. 

Shoes were littered about the floor of the walk-in closet, one shelf of which had been completely dedicated to iphone cases, of which Darcy had a few dozen. The door to the adjoining bathroom was closed but covered with a cork bulletin board with reminders pinned to it in a plethora of post-it note shades.

“I came by because I wanted to ask you to lunch.” Romanov said, finally turning her gaze back to the pajama wearing woman in front of her.

“Lunch?” Darcy gulped, hoping her voice didn’t sound as high to the other woman as it did to her own ears.

“Yes. Lunch. With Thor back and your boss occupied I figured you had some free time and thought now would be the best time to get to know you since we’re all living in close quarters and you’re the person I know the least.”

_Well, it’s not like Jane’s here to save me…If Black Widow is being friendly and asks you to lunch you go Darcy! This is a woman whose good side you want to stay on or be at risk of getting beaten to a pulp._

“Um, ok. I’m down for lunch. Let me just get dressed. Give me like 15 minutes, twenty tops. Should I meet you in the lobby or do you want to wait in the living room. . .”

“The big kitchen. We’re walking there. Wear comfortable shoes.” Was all the redhead said before whipping out of the room. 

Letting out a breath, Darcy ran to the bathroom to rush through her morning routine. It was _not_ a good idea to keep the Black Widow waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I had to split this chapter up but it was either that or a longer wait in between. But a lot of stuff happens on Wednesday and I promise you some Real!Steve time in the next update. Plus you got some SexyDream!Steve to tide you over! 
> 
> I should be updating again on Tuesday or Wednesday sometime! Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it! Please let me know if there's any mistakes or anything. I was trying to speed type this so I could get homework done too.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr! My username is killakathy88
> 
> To see Natasha's outfit go here on Polyvore:
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/black_widow_daytime_look/set?id=128153568


	6. Wednesday Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch, sweets, and licks.
> 
> That's right. LICKS.

Knowing that a seriously deadly and majorly intimidating Russian spy was waiting on you to get ready did not leave time for a full on makeup and accessorizing half hour that would have been a normal Darcy morning routine. Rushing through her shower while brushing her teeth, slapping on some foundation and blush, taming her hair under a navy beanie and slipping on a summer dress took a total of 10 minutes. Knowing her outfit wasn’t exactly the most put together, Darcy pretty much just said screw it and dumped the contents of yesterday’s purse onto her bed. She grabbed a messenger bag that kind of went with the dress and threw in some essentials like her wallet, phone and trusty old Maurice. 

Maurice was her trusty taser, named so because of the mustache she had drawn on him as a sign of manhood when he had finally been used on Thor back in New Mexico. Sure Maurice was illegal in New York but there was no way she was gonna go wondering around the city without some kind of protection in case Black Widow got called out for Avengers duty during their afternoon meal. 

And who knew, maybe Black Widow would see Maurice and smile approvingly, then decide to take Darcy under her wing and show her the ways of the super-cool feminist version of the force. 

Jogging to the elevator after throwing on some converse and nearly tripping over her own shoelaces Darcy struck that thought from the record, a cool young padawan she was not. At least riding the elevator down gave her just enough time to slap on some lipstick and draw a cat-eye onto each eye in perfect black wings. Perfected at 17, it was the one skill that brought her the most pride.  


Perfect Darcy eyeliner was able to be applied in elevators, moving cars, and shivering in freezing weather.

Stepping out into the large kitchen area where everyone had had brunch earlier in the week she sided up to Natasha who was putting away her cell phone. The assassin slipped off the counter stool she had been sitting on with cat-like grace, a far cry from the tumble Darcy had almost taken three minutes before.

After exiting one of the side exits of the Tower onto the streets of New York Darcy and Natasha walking in companionable silence for about two blocks. By the third Darcy had started to wring her hands, this was feeling less like a girl’s day and more like she was going with her mom shopping somewhere for something that wasn’t for her. 

Casting a side-eye at her counterpart, the redhead struck up a conversation of small talk that after the sixth block became increasingly more and more personal. She asked Darcy a few normal questions, like why she chose political science, how she got on with her family, and how she was liking the tower so far. (She was determined to make a difference and thought that women should definitely be represented more in the government since all the assholes in Washington thought that they had the right to make laws about women’s bodies, she loved them immensely but her parents had divorced years ago and they were happy leading their own lives but kept in close contact through bi-weekly phone calls, and to be honest she fucking loved it. Free Wi-Fi, cable with ALL the channels and a disembodied British voice waking her up in the morning with the weather report and Jane’s mood was awesome.)  


Then questions slowly became more . . . nosy. Like was she dating anyone now or in the recent past? (“A few dates with this guy Ian back in England but that was a bust and we haven’t talked since I left.”) 

How long had her longest relationship lasted and why did it end? (“I dated this guy for two years in college. He cheated on me with a cheerleader in my dorm room. It was a male cheerleader. Can we talk about something else please?”) Also, what kind of birth control she was currently on?

Darcy’s eyes widened at this one and coughed out the word ‘pill’ as she sent an apologetic look at the crotchety old woman next to them on the street who tsked at the topic of their conversation.

Perhaps the turn of the conversation should have raised some red flags, but thinking that the Russian was just attempting girl talk through interrogation means due to the nature of the work she was accustomed to, Darcy just answered honestly and tried to relax.

Darcy also took the time to pose her own get-to-know-you questions toward Natasha while trying to stay clear of anything too personal (she didn’t want to get beat up), anything that might be classified (she didn’t want to get arrested by SHIELD), or anything relating to violence or ass-kicking (again, she didn’t want to get beat up).

So that left with determining Natasha’s favorite music (“I tend to only listen to music while training so anything upbeat works.”), movies (“The Professional is underestimated as a romantic film.”) and TV (“Game of Thrones. I have a healthy respect for Arya Stark.”)

They reached a small place with metal stairs and Natasha took the lead, bringing her into a semi-nice sit down small restaurant that smelled AWESOME. Not knowing what to order, Darcy left the decision up to the other woman who ordered two plates of schwarma with a small smile that Darcy knew had to mean there was a story there somewhere. Sure enough when she asked Natasha began filling her in on the post-Loki-defeating activities at the celebration meal Tony had insisted on. 

“How cool, that totally reminds me of when my friends and I in college would get trashed at different parties and hit up the IHOP belligerently at 4 am. Except with less liver damage and more ‘greater good’.” Darcy joked.

The rest of the meal was surprisingly easygoing, the conversation never lulling between bites of seasoned meat. Darcy appreciated Natasha’s dry humor and intelligent interjections into Darcy’s musings on the completely random things that often crossed her mind and were blurted out loud. By the time they had both returned to the tower Darcy was really glad she gotten her ass out of bed, otherwise how would she have had that good of a lunch **and** made friends with THE Black Widow: ass-kicker extraordinaire?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Upon returning to her room, Darcy grabbed one of her grandmother’s old aprons from one of the unopened boxes in the corner of her room intent on crossing something off her to do list for the week. Hopping back in the elevator and walking into the main kitchen for the second time that day she pulled out ingredients from the six foot tall fridge that was roughly five times her width.

She spent the next two hours working on Clint’s damned blackmail treats to keep his silence. She worked with her phone on the counter, popping raspberries into her mouth while humming along to a soft guitar and oldies playlist, baking uninterrupted until she heard a deep voice say her name as it crept closer.

“Darcy?”

Her hand stilled on the wooden spoon she was using to gather the last of the chocolate icing for Clint’s cake in the bowl it was contained in. Glancing up she saw Steve approach and take a seat on one of the bar stools near her. He was absolutely drool-worthy. She had never seen him in jeans before and under the thick hoodie he was wearing only three quarters of the way zipped up he had no shirt on. She could see a small amount of chest but seeing only those few square inches made her clench her jaw in sexual frustration.

“What are you making?” he asked, glancing at the cooling pile of chocolate chip cookies next to him and the nearly finished cake she was laboring over with unabashed hunger. 

Darcy felt her face redden and she knew it had nothing to do with the heat from the oven. The dream she’d had just this morning coming back fresh now that she was so close to him she could smell the light scent of his aftershave. Not to mention the fantasy tryst had occurred in this very kitchen and on the counter top his upper half was leaning against. She cleared her throat before speaking, focused on making her reply seem breezy and relaxed.

“Oh, um, hey I’m just baking. Stuff. For someone.” She replied as she set the spoon down in the bowl for a second, wiping her hands on her apron and trying to think of absolutely anything but that nearly NC 17 dirty dream and the way his mouth looked as he whispered “Sunday” to her while it was still swollen from kissing. 

She grabbed the spoon again and said to herself, _Get a hold of yourself Darce. He doesn’t know about the dream so just play it cool._

She straightened her shoulders and held tighter to the wooden handle.

He took her avoidance of his gaze as a small blessing and snagged one the cookies off the pile so quickly she didn’t catch it, wrapping it in a napkin from the countertop and sticking it into the pocket of his grey hoodie for later while she concentrated on slathering the chocolate icing along the sides of the deep brown cake. 

“So, who are the treats for? Welcome home Thor sweets?” 

“Ha! If I was cooking for Thor I’d need at least another cake and two more dozen cookies. And Jane and Thor won’t come up for air from each other for at least another eight hours. Though I should really make a welcome home dinner. His space stories are pretty neat. No,” she sighed before continuing, “They’re for Clint. That meathead.” 

“Oh. Barton.” He looked a little disappointed. Crestfallen almost, but there was no way, she had to be imagining it and he just wanted some cake, that’s all.

 _Don’t read too much into it Darce, the man probably eats like Thor. Thor would give up the throne of Asgard to the guy on Cake Boss if he got a life size cake of himself._

She turned her back to Steve and kept adding frosting to the rich-smelling concoction before her.

“Yeah. Barton. That jerk is making me pay him blackmail in diabetes-inducing sugary substances to be shoved in his mouth hole.” She grumbled.

“Blackmail? For what? More evil deeds your minions are concocting for you?” When she did look at him he had one eyebrow raised and a look on his face so cute she wanted to kiss it off of him.

Dodging the question she turned back to the bowl. 

_DISTRACT DARCY! DISTRACT!_

“C’mon Stevie, enough with the evil Darcy bit, would the evil Darcy let you lick the spoon?” 

She held the oversized wooden utensil out between them grinning. 

He paused for a moment, as if weighing the options, before gently taking her wrist and bringing it nearer to him. Tilting her wrist slightly to angle the spoon to his mouth his thick pink tongue darted out to take a long lick of the chocolate coating it that sent hardcore electrical shocks to her lady parts. In that moment she thought she knew how her 10th grade boyfriend felt the first time he’d touched and seen her boobs, immediately coming in his pants before he’d even worked her up a little.

“Not bad.” Steve just looked at her expecting a reply and when a few moments passed without one he cleared his throat, his cheeks a darker shade of pink than normal. 

Darcy gulped so hard it felt like she had swallowed the god damn spoon. More moments passed by and still she said nothing, the situation going from awkward turtle to awkward huge Godzilla-sized turtle quickly. Steve averted his gaze from her face's open mouthed look of shock and took a step back.

“Well, I uh, have a debrief to go to. See you later Darcy.” The corners of his mouth turned up slightly but his expression seemed a little pained, not that she got a chance to look at it long because he sprinted out of there pretty fast.

Darcy still gaped with her mouth open in the general direction of where he’d been standing in front of her before closing it, thinking that for sure flies were going to be setting up camp in there. Her wrist felt hot where he’d held it, his huge hands taking up more than half of her forearm without even spreading his fingers. 

_God damn it self! You talk constantly! You couldn’t even let out a giggle? A chuckle? A laugh? A **fucking snort**! **ANYTHING** besides standing here like a fish. You are such a freak Lewis, really. You ran him off. Maybe this is a good thing, no more embarrassment in front of the super-hot super-soldier super-crush.... Why do I feel like I’ve said this before?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The restaurant Darcy and Natasha go to is a real place, it’s called Ariel Glatt and it is about 8 blocks from where everyone speculates Stark Tower to be, if it was real that is, at 200 Park Avenue in Manhattan. Yes, they do serve schwarma. And this place has four stars on yelp. I seriously doubt that Natasha would eat ANYWHERE that had less than four stars, she’s awesome like that. 
> 
> To see Darcy’s outfit go here : http://www.polyvore.com/darcy_thrown_together_last_minute/set?id=128155429
> 
> Next update: Thorsday! 
> 
> As always I love comments! I apologize if there's a lot of mistakes, I wrote this quickly and I am still without a beta. -K


	7. Thorsday, part the first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light sabers, Asgardians and duels, oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Bairnsidhe for being wonderful and beta-ing this for me! She's a doll. 
> 
> If you want to see Darcy's outfit for the day then go here :
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/darcy_lewis_work_outfit_thrashy/set?id=124920276
> 
> Sorry I'm so late with the update! i'm thinking of writing a companion piece to this fic told from Steve and the Avengers point of view. What do you guys think?

_Sleep,_ Darcy thought, _is the best amnesiac ever created. I have absolutely no recollection of- ugh god that tongue and the way his hand felt on my wrist. What’s wrong with me? I should have said something. I should have done something. I should have **licked his freaking face**._

She shrugged on a plaid blazer over her grey t-shirt and slacks, deciding to leave her clean hair down and uncovered this morning. She tossed the black beanie she had picked out and threw back into her closet. Jane had sent her a text sometime in the pre-dawn hours saying she’d be back in the lab as usual. Darcy was surprised that the Thor/Jane love-fest had ended so soon but was glad for the distraction of work. If she had to spend one more minute torn between cursing herself and imagining the one thousand and one ways Steve Rogers could have used that perfect, pink tongue on her or she was going to scream. Or orgasm. Or orgasm while screaming. Or chase him down the halls of Stark Tower bare-ass nude with a mattress strapped to her back screaming for him to do her NOW. 

_Ok, that last one was a little out there Darce, but seriously, has anyone ever been this panty-meltingly attractive to you without playing in a band, having way too many tattoos or generally being some pathetic ‘bad boy’. No, so maybe it’s good that I’m liking a guy with morals and values. Maybe this is a sign I’m a grown woman, reaching responsibility and maturity with grace. Maybe I’m growing or. . . just growing serious ladywood for Steve._

“God shut up brain!” 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

The Thor/Jane love-fest was over, if not just put on pause. Darcy watched from her desk across the lab as Thor was content to sit near Jane as she did calculations, cross referenced star charts and other sciencey-type work. The prince was moon eyed as he watched the petite brunette work, his huge blue orbs taking in every movement of her hand while constantly asking questions about what she was doing and why and what was this Midgardian device called. 

It was no shock that Jane slipped Darcy a note saying, ‘If you keep Thor occupied for the rest of my workday after lunch so I can get some work done I’ll talk Tony Stark into giving you dental.’ It was even less of a shock that Darcy committed to this task with gusto, no one says no to the Stark dental plan. 

Siding up to Thor and mentioning that she’d like to make him dinner to welcome him back he gave her a giant smile and said that such a boon as her ‘excellent midgardian confections’ required repayment. 

“Well I have always kind of wanted to learn how to use a sword. You’re a big strong warrior from the time of ancients. How about a lesson?” Darcy prodded. 

Skipping his gaze over to Jane who was turned half away from him Thor heard her say, “Oh that’s sounds great. You guys should go do that. I don’t want to keep both of you cooped up in here when my face is going to be glued to this microscope all day. I’ll see you both at dinner in the apartment.” 

Grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the elevator and hoping he didn’t notice Jane shrugging him off slightly to spend time with her one true love, science, Darcy cheesed at the massive buff space alien before her. 

“Lady Darcy, I have just realized I have traveled her from Asgard without swords or training weapons and do not know how to procure them in this city.” Thor realized. 

Darcy just kept the happy look on her face and tapped him on the upper arm with a closed fist. 

“Thor old buddy, this is Stark Tower, things are made and invented here on an hour basis. Tony Stark could easily just make us a pair of fab Excaliburs in no time.” 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

“No I can’t just make you a pair of swords, what do I look like an Asgardian black smith!? Do you see any anvils around here?! Jeez Lewis you are withholding on the pot aren’t you?” The billionaire was in a black wife-beater with his hands cupped around technical bits and pieces. He just swiveled back around in his chair and kept on tinkering with some unknown project. Tony snorted before continuing, “Besides letting you and Hulk Hogan run around all Becky-Buckwild with sharp objects doesn’t seem like a good idea.” 

Darcy turned to Thor and pouted but saw Tony posture change in the blink of an eye. The shoulders tensed and it seemed as if a bolt of electricity ran up his spine. He swiveled in his chair so quickly that Darcy jumped back and hit Thor lightly with her side. 

“I just said something grown up and responsible. Pepper is rubbing off on me. Pretend I didn’t say that. Here.” Tony crossed the room swiftly and entered a code into a little pin pad by the door behind them. A hidden panel opened and Tony reached in and pulled out two familiar looking long poles. Wait, those weren’t poles! Those were- 

“Holy crap! LIGHTSABERS!?” Darcy squealed. She reached both hands out to him with grabbing 'give me' motions. 

“These are Midgardian swords?” Thor asked, fairly confused by the two reverent Star Wars fans before him. These swords were unlike anything he had ever seen. Slim handles made of black and grey metal with small switches on the bottom of the handle. The blades seemed to be made of a less than clear glass, plastic Jane called it, that glowed with colorful light. One blade glowed with a blue tint and the other with a deep red. 

“No. Well. Yes. Consider them training weapons since they won’t hurt unless you knock someone over the head with it pretty hard. I hope I’m not giving you two ideas.” Tony answered. He turned to Darcy with a serious look on his face and said, “You are to return these in working order and not tell Clint that I have them or he’s going to want to play with them constantly and the last thing I want is them getting left in some god forsaken air vent.” 

“Haha, will do boss! Let’s get make like a tree Thor while our good luck lasts!” She grabbed the Asgardian by the cape and began to pull him towards the door. 

“But Lady Darcy, I know not how to create trees.” 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

_Dude, sword fighting is like a serious upper body workout._ Darcy thought to herself. 

She and Thor had been at it for about two and a half hours in the main living area connected to the large kitchen everyone was so fond of and she was already getting sore. Darcy was a surprisingly quick study. It took a good twenty minutes for her to realize some of the sword fighting moves from movies she’d seen were complete crap. Throwing it out the window and focusing on the main stances Thor showed her before she would attack and defend, Thor giving her small corrections and helpful hints along the way. 

“You are doing well Lady Darcy! Your form is much improved in so short a time.” He blocked, she parried and their blades clashed again and again. 

How cool was this? An immortal warrior showing her how to kick ass AND skipping half of her work day in the meanwhile, this is the stuff dreams were made of! 

By the middle of their third hour he was allowing her to attack him, his footing slowly retreating as she advanced. Her red blade swung and caught him off guard, if only for a moment, and he halted when he felt the light saber touching his neck. 

Thor threw down his weapon in an exaggerated motion chuckling. “I yield Lady Darcy! Perhaps one lesson is all you need to become a great warrior! The Lady Sif should see to your training from here on for I fear I might no longer have more to teach you.” 

Rolling her eyes at his flattering tone she responded, “Thor come on, I know you let me win you big lug.” 

“Nay, t’was your talent that led to you best me in battle for the second time.” He returned, obviously lying but being so sweet Darcy couldn’t help but match his huge grin. 

“Second?” a male voice chimed in from the kitchen. Steve was there, holding a cold bottle of water dripping with condensation that he had already taken a drink out of. Darcy quickly brought the light saber down to her side. 

_SHIT! Of course Steve catches me doing something so ridiculously dorky. Wait, maybe he hasn’t seen Star Wars yet! He was on ice for the 70’s!_

“Those are from Star Wars right?” Steve asked pointing a finger towards the weapon she was slowly hiding behind her back. 

“Shit.” Somehow that word was NOT in her inner monologue and escaped from her mouth. She quickly slapped a hand over the offending facial structure and squeaked out an apology to Steve, her face had to be tomato red by now. 

Thor just gave her an odd look and began to tell ‘the daring tale of how the Lady Darcy felled a mighty Prince of Asgard with her lightening weapon’ in answer to Steve’s earlier question. Steve eyebrows raised little by little on his face as the story was told, his rich laugh filling the space of the room at the end of the tale. 

“It wasn’t that funny at the time. It was horrible trying to lift this huge ape into Jane’s van when he was passed out cold.” Darcy cut in blushing from Steve’s enjoyment of her self-saving. She was somewhat glad Thor had taken over the conversation for a moment. Having the big blonde have her back was a pretty good feeling. 

“Captain, perhaps you should join us for feasting in the Lady Jane and Darcy’s quarters this evening so that you may regal me of your many adventures from the time we have last fought side by side.” Thor proposed. 

_Thor did you just invite Steve over for dinner? I am gonna KILL YOU!_ Darcy said nothing but the rage in her eyes directed at the prince made her feelings perfectly clear. Thor just cheesed and looked back and forth between the man and woman in front of him. 

“Actually, that sounds great Thor. If you don’t mind Darcy, I tend to eat more than the average Joe. I don’t want to put you out.” Steve was looking at her so earnestly there was no way she could say no. Anyone that could say no to those big baby blues had to be pure evil or blind. 

“It’s no problem.” Darcy choked out, smiling back at him and trying to seem half as happy on the outside as she was freaking out on the inside. 

“Great.” Steve smiled that mega-watt grin at her and she breathed a time for dinner. The Captain said a quick good bye to them both before walking off to answer his ringing cell phone. 

Darcy thwacked her light saber hard onto Thor’s shoulder when Rogers was finally gone. 

“What the hell was that Thor?!” 

“Lady Darcy, you harbor an attraction for the captain, why not spend more time in his company?” 

“Because I’m weird and strange and he’s perfect and there is no way anything is ever going to happen between us because I’m –“  
She was cut off by Thor’s huge hand covering her mouth mid-sentence. 

“Lady Darcy, you are my friend, kind and fair and wise and any man would be blessed by the All-father to be allowed to court a maiden such as you.” He removed his mitt from her face and nodded down at her. 

_That’s probably the biggest vote of confidence I’ve ever gotten. No wonder Jane waited so long for this big bear._

“Wow Thor, it’s no wonder people worshipped you.” 

Darcy blinked her eyes that had become a little watery at his words and suddenly looked at her friend, and herself, in a whole new light. 


	8. Thorsday, part the second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Din-din.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a big thank you to my beta bairsidhe, she's lovely! Hope you like the new chapter!
> 
> To see Darcy’s outfit go here:
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/casual_cooking/set?id=128939653
> 
> To see Jane’s clock go here:
> 
> http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ac3f/?srp=15

After Thor’s words of encouragement they went to the grocery store to buy all the ingredients to make dinner. Deciding on making three huge trays of lasagna for the four of them considering the appetites of the males in their company, Darcy went to browse the wine section.

 _It wouldn’t be a bad idea to splurge on a nice bottle of red wine or two, it’s almost the weekend, why not?_ Darcy placed some nice merlot in the shopping cart and headed back to the aisle where she’d seen Thor run off to. 

Trying to get Thor out of the grocery store once he’d found the self-serve candy aisle should have probably gone down in Asgardian history as an epic, dangerous adventure. The candy ended up costing Darcy more than a fair portion of her savings but who could say no to that childlike face of sheer sugar-filled joy. 

_Jane is soooo paying me back for this._

She was surprised she made it back to the tower without Thor biting her hand the few times she’d tried to reach into the chocolate filled bag for a handful of candy coated nuts. The night was still incredibly young however and Thor was showing no signs of releasing his prize, clutching the over-sized brown paper bag with the hand that wasn’t carrying most of the groceries. Choosing to keep herself unsmashed by his hammer Darcy let him keep the bag, impending stomachache or no.

Ushering Thor to the couch and putting on Braveheart to keep him occupied with a ‘tale of Midgardian warriors fit to grace the halls of Valhalla’ Darcy crept into her room and pondered while changing into a loose fitting and casual maroon dress.

_Thor’s right, I am pretty awesome. I should use this dinner as an opportunity. Steve would be a good guy to be friends with, he’s funny and smart and so good looking. Not that that’s what friends are for necessarily but hey, you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. If he doesn’t see me in a romantic way then I’d be pleased with just being his friend. Friends can have their friends be eye-candy and also appreciate them as human beings._

Digging in the back of her closet that still needed some serious arranging from the move in Darcy found her cute dinner party apron. Not that she’d had much of chance for dinner parties since Jane was seriously anti-social during Thor’s two year disappearance in space-land. 

Cooking dinner went quickly in a blur of spices, sauces and boiling water. By the time she’d thrown in the mostly cooked lasagnas into the oven for the cheese to melt Jane was walking into the living room.

The chef of the evening looked up and greeted the scientist. “J, I’m shocked! You leaving the lab at a decent hour without a fire, explosion, or promise of pain? Surely the end is nigh!” 

“Ha. Ha.” Jane crossed the room, setting her heavy messenger bag on the coffee table in front of the Norse god and leaning over to give Thor a kiss on the cheek that he returned with an over-the-moon expression.

“My beloved Jane, my warrior friend the Captain will be joining us this evening’s meal.” 

Jane swiveled her neck to Darcy who faking immense interest in opening a bottle of the wine she had bought earlier. 

“Darcy, the ‘Captain’ is joining us for dinner.” She said in a teasing tone that Darcy made a face at. Jane made sure to search her face for blushes but Darcy just lifted her wineglass and shrugged ambivalently.

“Yeah Jane I know, that’s why I spent the last hour and a half making enough Italian to feed a small army. Or a bilgesnipe. Or my fat Uncle Larry. Get off your butt and throw a salad together or you’re doing all the dishes yourself.”

Half a glass of red wine and a tub of Greek salad later Jarvis announced that ‘Captain Rogers is currently rocking on his heels in front of the door.’

Thor leapt from the sofa so quickly that Darcy didn’t even have a moment to start panicking about how she looked. Inviting his ‘warrior friend’ in with a loud welcome they both approached the table Jane was finishing setting. 

“Dr. Foster ma’am.” Steve handed over a bottle of red to his smallest host. “I figured I should bring something since you all are kind enough to feed me. It smells great in here.”

Taking the bottle Jane smiled at Steve, “Oh good I think Darcy downed all the wine in the place when she was cooking.”

“I had half a glass!” Darcy defended as she carried in the huge bowl of salad and set it on the table. “Nice way to compliment the woman slaving in front of the hot stove while you’re at work Jane. Thor you can never marry her, she’d be the worst husband. Hi Steve.”

Darcy untied her black and white polka dotted apron from behind her neck and back and set in on the kitchen counter, turning her back to them while Steve gave her an appreciate glance.

“Thor will you help me pour the wine for the rest of us?” Jane asked sweetly, pulling him into the kitchen.

“Thank you for letting me come. I haven’t had a homecooked meal in. . . over 70 years.” Steve seemed to surprise even himself at the confession, his tone changing from grateful to melancholy in one sentence.

Eager to perk him up Darcy lifted her nearly empty wineglass from the counter and responded, “It’s really nothing. I cook a lot. The kitchen is my kingdom as much as Jane’s is her lab.”

“Aye and what a fair lab queen she is.” Thor interjected less than quietly from the kitchen.

Draining the last of her liquid courage Darcy could feel her posture straighten, herself feeling braver, her temperature a few degrees higher than normal and suddenly incredibly hungry. Glancing at the hanging clock on one of the walls that had math equations instead of numbers on the face. She had bought the gift for Jane for her birthday two years ago when she first started interning for her. Pleased that it was the first thing the doctor unpacked and put away when they’d moved into Stark Tower Darcy always got the warm fuzzies when she looked at it.

“The food should be done. I made a ton of lasagna so there’s plenty to go around.”

Steve looked positively giddy at Darcy’s words. 

_I guess the way into a man’s heart really is through his stomach. Maybe you weren’t wrong about everything Grandma Lewis, but dogs CAN look up._

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

Dinner was nowhere near as awkward as she had originally imagined, Thor filling his mouth and the small silences equally with lasagna and short tales of Asgardian heroics. Jane asked polite questions about Steve’s adjustment, explained the work she and Darcy had done pre-Thor and Darcy had made quirky jokes and puns that Steve always found incredibly hilarious. 

Steve had dug into the food with gusto, something that made the inner-chef in Darcy swell with pride as she continued to sip wine. Jane had indulged in a glass or three, a faint blush dusting her cheeks that Thor had trouble looking away from after a while. Steve had opted to pass on the alcohol but Thor had greedily drunk the bottle the guest had brought as if it were water, showing no signs of even being the smallest bit tipsy.

They had talked back and forth about all manner of subjects: from Tony’s recklessness (“Steve, I swear on my life he practically forced me to shoot that gun at your shield.”), to Bruce Banner’s shy nature and wisdom “He and Dr. Selvig are two of the greatest minds that I’ve ever met.” “Jane you say that about every old guy who agrees with you.”), current politics (which Darcy conversed with such know-how and insightful commentary that Steve just absorbed all of what she had to say), to Thor’s listing the most delicious prepared Asgardian foods and how they were made after he and the other gentleman at the table complimented Darcy on the cooking.

The equation clock showed 1221 divided by 111 when the laughter and talking had gone softer.

“My dear Jane, perhaps now it is time to retire.” Thor suggested after the wine was long gone, the salad had been devoured and the lasagnas were no more. He very obviously shifted his gaze from Steve to Darcy. The brightest bulb in the box Thor wasn’t but unwise to social cues and interpersonal subtleties he was not. 

Jane agreed with him and rose to clear the table of the discarded empty pasta pans and plates. She shot Darcy a pointed stare before walking into the kitchen. 

“Well I should get going. Thank you all, this was actually one of the best times I’ve had in a while. Do you need any help cleaning up?” Steve offered cleaning his mouth with a napkin.

“Nonsense! Darcy walk Steve out will you? Thor and I will get the dishes. Goodnight! Thanks for the company!” Jane called from the kitchen. The running water from the sink echoing in a soft whoosh through the apartment.

Darcy stood up from the table and felt her center of balance shift a little. She reached out a hand to the linen covered table to steady herself. She wobbled only for a second before giving Steve a blinding grin that he copied and leading him to the door. He stepped outside and Darcy followed, closing the door behind her to give them some privacy.

_A drunk woman’s words are a sober woman’s thoughts right? Just say what you think Darce, PG rating only._

“Steve I’m glad you came over. I, um,-“ Darcy took a deep breath before going on, using her right hand to brush some errant strands of hair away from her face. She leaned against the shut door and looked Steve directly in the eye. The wine from dinner was working its magic on her as a courage multiplier. “Steve I think you’re a really cool guy, having Clint as a buddy not withstanding-“ Steve chuckled but she went on, “-and I know I probably haven’t made the best first impression or second or third but there’s a lot of Darcy awesomeness underneath the uber-weirdo. My horrible taste in television should probably mean anyone with good sense or taste should want to keep their distance but…” Darcy shook her head to stop herself from pulling a ‘her’ and babbling. 

Steve’s face was molded into an intense and patient look that gave her the gumption to continue. He seemed incredibly interested in what she had to say, his eyes flitting across her face as she tried not to gape unseemly at his mouth. It was parted slightly and a mental image of herself licking around the small opening popped into her head. Nevertheless, she kept talking, intent to get this out now while she still could before melting into a puddle of lusty hormones at his feet.

“What I’m trying to say, badly, is that I’d really like to be your friend Steve. If that’s okay with you. You can say no and I’d completely understand, being a literal lifesaver probably doesn’t free up a crazy amount of free time for chillin’ with homies.”

Steve took a step back, she hadn’t even noticed how close he had leaned his body into hers. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his ever-present khakis and dropped his eyes down to the floor in front of him, kicking the ground with the front of his shoe softly. The posture and action seemed almost immature, or would have looked as such if it wasn’t performed by a 6’1 hunk of a man. His gaze rose and held hers steadily.

“Sure. Friends. Thank you again. I should go.” He gave a short and almost sarcastic two finger salute and headed towards the elevators behind him with long strides.

_Well, that was kind of . . . abrupt. And anti-climactic. Why was I so worried- OH SHIT HE’S COMING BACK!_

He had turned about face on a dime, a practiced soldier move if she ever saw one. The Captain closed in on the curvy brunette standing in the hall. His countenance had changed from tired to fiercely determined. He had never looked so much like ‘Captain America’ than he did now. Brow furrowed, jaw set and teeth clenched, the expression she’d so often seen in the New York invasion videos half hidden under his blue cowl.

“No Darcy, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be your friend.” His face didn’t seem very sorry at all but couldn’t focus on it when the words fell from his lips. The two short sentences felt like someone had cracked a whip across her chest, the sharp sting harshing her buzz. She had trouble taking in a breath and just thought to herself, _What the FUCK?!_

“Oh. Ok.” She spun, fumbling for the door handle with one hand while the other one clenched into a fist by her side. Before she could the door open though large familiar hands were grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to turn around with uncommon strength.

“Wait, Darcy that came out strange. I’m sorry. Again. What I meant to say is that I don’t want to be **just** your friend. I’d like to take you out, for dinner. If that’s alright with you.”  
Steve’s expression had changed once more, now looking apologetic and hopeful. Darcy’s face however was white and coated in complete confusion. Her mouth hung open and a soft ‘huh?’ escaped without her knowledge.

“I’d like to take you out for dinner Darcy Lewis. On a date.” His brow furrowed once more, like he was preparing for a no but Darcy nodded and said, “Okay, date. Nice, with you, Steve, yes. Okay.”

 _Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Steve Rogers just asked me out!!!! Me, Darcy Lewis, in real life. Is this real?_ The hand by her side pinched her thigh just to be sure. 

He was grinning now and started to take little steps backwards in the direction of the elevator.

“Swell. Saturday? Seven?”

Darcy just nodded enthusiastically like a bobble-head until he said goodnight happily as the elevator doors closed.

She stepped back into the apartment like she was under a trance, eyes not focusing on any of the furniture. Passing her room and heading straight to her bathroom, she only stopped when she was standing in front of the mirror over her bathroom sink. 

Looking into the reflective surface her shocked face morphed into a joyful smiling one. She was seriously about to dance and squeal with joy until she noticed something off in her reflection. She had red wine teeth, the normally pearly white was tinged with burgundy.

“GOD DAMN IT!”


	9. Friday Hay Hay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More klutzo Darcy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the fab bairsidhe for beta-ing for me. She's great. 
> 
> Sorry this took so long to update, I was just too busy enjoying my vacation but I promise more regular updates now that I'll be at a computer more often. 
> 
> To see Darcy's outfit on polyvore go here:   
> http://www.polyvore.com/darcy_lewis_work_outfit/set?id=132726783
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!!

"Miss Lewis the time is now 6:30 am." Called the disembodied robot voice in her bedroom.

Darcy leapt out of bed, wide awake for a dozen or so minutes already but content to clutch her pillow and just grin from ear to ear. Last night’s conversation with Steve made her feel like a billion bucks and was pretty sure her cheeks were going to be sore for weeks from all the smiling she’d done last night after his departure from their apartment.

Hopping out of bed and doing a crazy pajama jig in her room while getting ready did nothing to remove the smile from her face. She took a little longer on her hair today, her best G rated feature according to her last boyfriend, straightening it to make seem inches longer. 

_I am so glad I splurged at that retro place in London. I’d be freaking right now if I had to find an entire outfit by Saturday._

Shuffling happily around the room she finally slipped on some black and white flats before stepping into the shared portion of her and Jane’s apartment. Taking smaller steps than normal in the tight purple skirt that went well below her knees and smoothing her pin straight hair Darcy could see Jane hunched over the coffeemaker, refiling it to make another batch.

“Hitting the hard stuff early Lady Doc. Did you finish that whole pot already?”

Jane turned and replied, “I hate it when you call me that, it makes me sound like a gynecologist. And no. I think elves took it.”

“I sometimes wish you were a gynecologist. Then you could get me free birth control.”

Jane rolled her eyes and suddenly looked alert and excited. “Speaking of birth control, what happened with you and Studly Steve out in the hallway? Thor dragged me to bed before I could ask.”

“You will never believe it Jane! I can barely believe it! In fact I asked Jarvis to play it back for me on the security cameras to make sure it really happened and I didn’t dream it. Not that I have uh - lots of dreams about Steve. You know what – uh I don’t dream at all. Forget I said that. Not that Steve’s not dreamy but that means something different than the way I know it. Not that my dreams are different. I mean, I don’t dream the same thing every time, everyone’s dreams are different, I just mean mine are of the normal variety. High school, trampled by elephants, running in the mist, for some reason Tony Stark being my dad. Actually now that I think of it I have that last one a lot-“

“DARCY!” Jane interrupted to get her to stop avoiding the question.

The coffeemaker went off with a loud bang and Thor then stumbled into the kitchen and greeted both ladies as he headed to the coffeemaker. Jane clapsed Darcy’s elbow, pulling her closer to whisper, “When we are alone you are giving me details.”

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

Alone took them well into the workday which Darcy seriously was ready to get over with. She wanted to spill to Jane so badly this morning but got sidetracked and figured that maybe gushing about Steve’s date invite in front of Thor didn’t seem like a good idea. Gushing in front of Dr. Banner, who got along with Steve well, and saw pretty regularly through the week, seemed like an even worse an idea so she waited until he left the labs to see Tony about something.

Darcy’s eyes stayed glue to the figure of curly salt and pepper haired man until the glass door was shut and she could see him walking down the hall.

“Jane we’re alone. Oh my Thor I can finally tell you know.”

Jane looked up from the small part of one of her instruments she was soldering and set it down immediately. 

“SPILL. NOW.”

The evening’s post dinner discussion was rehashed quickly in case anyone came into the labs before they could finish. Jane face changed from an approving nod at Darcy’s invitation of friendship, to shock at Steve’s reaction, to a delighted gasp and squeal when she learned her friend had been asked out by her crush.

“I’m so happy for you Darce, just be careful not to take him to one of those horrible dive bars you like where the bathrooms are full of rusty nails and graffiti. Or concerts, since his music taste and yours are most likely about as similar as the missionary position and serious dungeon bondage. And try not to drink too much, I know you will drink all of anything in a glass set in front of you if you’re nervous. God forbid you pee on yourself on a first date. You’ll probably throw Steve off of modern girls forever.”

Still seated, Darcy threw her legs up on the desk in front of her and leaned back in her computer chair, balancing carefully but precariously on the back portion. Crossing one leg over the over and folding her arms behind her like a pillow the intern just shook her head unaffected by Jane’s comments.

Darcy giggled and responded. “I’m going to ignore everything you said after I’m happy for you because I can’t hear you through my smile. It’s taken over my face and it’s probably wrapped halfway around the back of my skull by now.” 

“Ha. I bet. I could probably dissect you with a butter knife and you still wouldn’t be able to frown.” Jane joked as she held up the soldering iron like a scalpel.

“Laugh all you want Jane, I am on cloud over nine thousand and I’m not coming down. I have a date with the hottest guy in North America and everything is coming up Darcy.”

“Well I hope you have a really good time but not so good your legs come up Darcy.” Jane answered wryly. 

“Jane, I totes resent that. And I see what you did there.”

The opaque glass of the door to the lab slammed open and Thor stepped into the room quickly, taking three long strides to reach Jane. He was in full on Asgardian battle armor which probably wasn’t a good sign but Mew-Mew wasn’t in his hands.

“My lady Jane,” the blonde god cooed. “I am afraid there is a battle where my shield warriors and myself are needed in a place you call the New Jersey. I will return as soon as I am able. You may contact Stark should anything foul occur.” 

Thor took both of Jane’s hands in his own and kissed each one before whispering so low that Darcy couldn’t hear, “Deal?”

“Deal.” Jane kissed him briefly after answering. Darcy kept her gaze on the happy couple, her heart melting on the spot from the affection the two shared. You could practically see the little hearts coming out of their bodies if you squinted.

“Darcy?”

Three things happened after she heard her name called and they happened almost simultaneously. Darcy snapped her neck back to the door, recognized the person who called her name as Steve who standing there in full Captain America gear, and she felt the top of her chair lean too far backward since she was still reclined in it causing her to fall onto the floor in the chair with a THUMK! 

One second she was seeing Steve in the entrance and the next she could only see her feet in the air above her. The American hero rushed to help her up but to be honest a small part of Darcy was pretty sure he shouldn’t have bothered and just left her to lay on the white speckled floor dying from embarrassment.

“Are you ok?” the Captain questioned, holding her forearms gingerly at a distance so he could inspect her for damage. Thor and Jane looked on and, god bless them, were trying their hardest not to bust out laughing. Thank god her skirt had been tight otherwise she probably would have shown two Avengers her underwear in the most unfun and unsexy way imaginable.

“I think I broke my pride.” She grimaced. Steve chuckled deeply before speaking.

“I came by to see if we are still on for tomorrow. I have to head out for a while but I should be back tomorrow morning.”

Darcy nodded dumbly, staring into the deep blue of his eyes and trying not think about how red her face probably looked right now. 

“Swell.” He kept staring at her for a minute with a look that revealed he was definitely thinking about doing or saying something more and it made her feel like she had something on her face. Before she could ask him, Steve quirked a corner of his mouth and continued, “I should get going. See you tomorrow Darcy.” 

He and Thor turned and exited the room leaving the two women gazing out the door somberly. The silence continued until Darcy broke it by blinking at her friend and grinding out, “Don’t say it Jane.”

Jane cackled and ignored her request, “Looks like he didn’t even have to wait for the first date to see legs coming up Darcy.”

“Ughhhhhh, I haaaaaaaaate you.”


End file.
